Thank you for taking the time out the read the last post and participating in the poll. I was encouraged by the number of views and interactions we got. I noticed that not everyone who read the post went on to partake in the poll. I want to assume that some readers have never been in a relationship and so skipped the survey. Another possibility could be that some folks might have thought I would have access to their individual responses. Nope, there was no way for me to find out who said what. Nonetheless, thanks to everyone for being amazing!
Analysis of the survey
70% of the respondents were ladies. Hold up. So is it that men cheat more than women or men just don’t have the time to be bothered about relationships or what some naively call “woman talk?” Generally, women are more likely to go in search of knowledge or advice about romance, relationship and marriage. You hear of ‘Ladies Summit’, ‘Women Conference’ and so on but very few times do organisations or even churches organise programs for men. Even when they do, one can observe that generally, men do not like to attend such programs or they claim not to have time to attend. I have also noticed that women consult marriage counsellors more than men. In fact, in typical Nigerian society, the burden to make a marriage work rests on the woman. Until there is a change in this orientation and dynamic, and both women and men become equally thirsty for knowledge required to make a marriage work, then there will be dissatisfaction in our marriages.
Approximately two-thirds of our respondents were between the ages of 25 and 30. Others were spread between the ages of 20 and 37. It is amazing to know that people from all zones in the country, except the North-East took part. Over 90% of participants were Christians, other respondents save one, were Muslims. In addition, almost all participants had been in relationships at least once.
Even though this survey was to be taken by people who are not currently involved in infidelity, 33% admitted to having cheated at least once in their lifetime. Half of our respondents said that a partner has cheated on them at least one time before. Some have been cheated on more than once and a few agreed that human beings can be wicked in life. 10% of respondents were like, “Who knows the heart of man, I might have been cheated on, I can’t tell”.
This picture is a bar chart showing the top eight reasons respondents gave for not cheating. A few respondents said they were scared of their partners. Like “Guy, you don’t know this woman! If she hears that I cheat peren, I am finished”. Some other people also said the fear of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) has been the beginning of wisdom for them. But I think the reason why STIs it is not a top reason for people not to cheat is because people have found ways to prevent STIs and they also recognised that cheating is not only about sex. One deep respondent said and I quote “I made a commitment and I am sticking to it. Love is a decision you make”. Word! Another person talked about the guilt that she wouldn’t be able to handle.
It seems some people love God in Nigeria oh. When asked to pick just one reason why they are not cheating, half of our respondents said it is the love of God that restrains them. Not even the love of the man or woman in the relationship. Hmmm, which means that people are saying “Yes, I love my sweetheart, but what is stopping me from making that move is God.” If there is only one reason why respondents would not cheat on their partners, it is three times more likely to be because they love God (51%) than because they love their spouse (17%).
There are a number of things to learn from this survey which aligns with articles I have read before and with common sense.
- Sometimes, the love or reverence for God is a stronger force to stop anyone from cheating than the romantic feeling you have towards a partner.
- People who are in love with their partner tend to cheat less than those who are not.
- If respect and loyalty are palpable in a relationship, chances of cheating will be lower compared to a relationship respect and loyalty.
- People do not like to be cheated on (duh!).
We are going to do further studies on this subject and more in the future, but I hope we have learnt one or two things from this. Maybe even something I have not pointed out. I am hoping to read comments, questions and critics of this post. Please feel free to drop a comment and share with your friends and family. Remember, you may not be cheating now but do not let down your guard. Like one of the greatest influences in my life once said “Let him that thinks he stands, take heed, lest he falls”.
Until next time, I remain Dr Lash.
About The Author
“Tiwatayo Lasebikan (code name “Dr Lash”) is a medical doctor with training and experience in psychiatry, psychology and counselling. His goal is to help people lead emotionally and mentally healthier lives.
“In Your Mind” is where Dr Lash uses his experience to help people dealing with mental health and other emotional issues. Dr Lash has recognised that there’s a dearth of information on the importance of mental health and he shall use this medium to educate us about mental health issues and how our attitudes, behaviours and thinking affect our emotional well-being.
Dr Lash offers a range of online mental health and counselling services which include relationship counselling, self-esteem and confidence building, stress management, career and work-related counselling, critical events management amongst others. Dr Lash can be reached by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or via twitter @LashSupport.”